Episode 2.38: Seasonal Depression and Skate Anxiety

In season 2 episode 38 of Skate Date we talk about Seasonal Depression and also roller skating anxiety. Yes, it's a doozy. We have a visit from 2 girls one pup! YAY Bowie, and dear shovel. 

Send in your Find Your Skate Date: dearskatedate@gmail.com

Ask us Questions for Dear Shovel: dearskatedate@gmail.com

Want to be a sponsor for our podcast? Ask for info at skatedatepodcast@gmail.com

Rate us five stars! https://apple.co/3FHy8K8

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR CHANNEL!  

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM @SkateDatePod https://www.instagram.com/skatedatepod/ 

Skate Date Merch: https://etsy.me/3DGVEFr

SUPPORT REBEL 
YOUTUBE: youtube.com/queergirlstraightskates 
SHOP: www.cheerstothequeers.com

SUPPORT SHOVE: 
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/fat_girl_has_moxi/ 
SHOP: www.fatfemmefatale.com

Rebel Wish List
Shove Wish List
Shovel Wedding Wish List

Want to be a sponsor for our podcast? Ask for info at skatedatepodcast@gmail.com

Rate us five stars!

BE A PATRON OF OUR WEDDING AND HELP US MAKE IT THE WEDDING OF THE CENTURY:

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR CHANNEL! @Skate Date Podcast

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM @SkateDatePod

Skate Date Merch: cheerstothequeers.com

WE ARE ON:
SPOTIFY!
APPLE PODCASTS!
GOOGLE PODCASTS:
AMAZON MUSIC:
IHEARTRADIO:
STITCHER:

SUPPORT REBEL
YOUTUBE: youtube.com/queergirlstraightskates
SHOP: www.cheerstothequeers.com

SUPPORT SHOVE: -INSTAGRAM

Transcript

Unknown: 0:13

Welcome to escape de. What's your favorite podcast with your favorite couple? Yay. Yeah, I'm shove I'm rebel. Together we are. Shovel. Can you dig it? I can. Can you dig it? That's the question. Welcome back, y'all. It's another Wednesday or whatever day it is finally got edited. Hello.

Rebel: 0:35

Yeah, sorry. I've been on struggle bus, which is why we're talking about well, we're talking about today. What are we talking about? today? We're going to talk about seasonal depression. And then we're also going to talk about skating anxiety, so buckle on and because it's gonna be a wild ride,

Shove: 0:52

that's fun. Yeah, I don't look like trash today. Yeah, you look amazing. Yeah, I usually look like trash. But that's because like today, I had a photoshoot early in the morning. And so I had some leftover makeup. And then I just like, went a little crazy and ready for recording this. I figured, why not?

Rebel: 1:13

Yeah. What I am realizing though, is that the light is way too bright. And I need to turn down the brightness. So give me one second. Look at that. You can tell him block now. Look at that. We don't look like ghosts. Amazing. So today, yeah, we're talking about lots of fun things. And by fun things. I mean, real shit, because that's what we do. Here. We talk about the real shit. So how have you been this last week? Chef? has been alright. Yeah, I use a cevin to vape. Um, I've been all right. It's Black Friday weekend through Cyber Monday. And yeah, I think prepping for it was really crazy. But yeah, yeah, definitely. I feel like it's been a little bit crazy of a weekend even though it's like, cool, because you have a 40 weekend. So it's been awesome to have you around more often. But I've been feeling pretty stressed. And under pressure. So I'm I think it'll be a lot better by the time this episode airs. Hopefully, yeah. Hopefully. We have Bowie on the table underneath my mic right now. I know y'all probably missed him. And if you're watching this, you can see him. Bowie had a rough week last week, which we'll talk about in our Two Girls, One pub section that we're bringing back for the week, bringing it back for the week. Yes. Oh, it's like he knew like we knew he's up here. That's why he fought his way up to be here today. Oh, happy day. Happy day. Yes. And I know this is gonna air after you're back from Miami. But you are about to go on a trip to Miami.

Shove: 3:02

Yes. I'm going to Miami for endless summer. It wasn't planned to super fast. It literally just got thrown together. And they were like, you want to go to the Miami and I was like, yeah, and then instantly followed by like, Oh, shit. What did I miss? You don't like to travel alone. You don't like to go places you've never been before. And you definitely don't feel right skating places you've never skated before, because of anxiety, which we'll talk about later.

Rebel: 3:34

Yeah, so that's exciting. And then I'm going to have a weekend by myself, which I think I'm going to take that time to do some self reflection, right? You'll just find 1000 projects, and 1000 projects. Hey, we all have coping mechanisms, right? Yeah, that's mine. For sure. My therapist says that I should probably get other coping mechanisms. Anyways, do you want to jump right into it? Oh, Leslie. Oh, okay, first off we got an ad. Babe, guess what? I just put up on juice of the queers.com What I saw you opening a big box the other day? Well, it's actually a few things. I got more colors of the dangle rollerski earrings. I have red, silver, gold, pink glitter, green and white pearlized and iridescent.

Unknown: 4:34

Oh my god sounds amazing. And also UK and also soft key chains. Kitchens. Like I always call them yes kitchen. Yes. With cue heart and star clasps, claps clasps. Its masks all over. Wow, that sounds so good. hill they are but that's not all. I also got new pride skate laces.

Rebel: 5:05

We like rainbows like it could be pride all the time. Well, yes, I do have those but I also have ones with a gay by Pan non binary trans ace and lesbian flag stripes on them. I know it's like the best talk about inclusivity I know. I'm so stoked about it's like the perfect laces to have in my shop. Settle and amazing pride moments while skating.

Unknown: 5:36

He he he sometimes you say that he you get cheers to the queers calm. Ye. It's like my version of bet. But it's he

Rebel: 5:53

also liked to eat, eat, like to go eat. Eat. Eat. Yeah, so anyways, yeah. So if you're queer, or if you're not queer, and you have some queer friends, head on over cheers to the queers.com.com for some clear athletes. Yep. And they're here. They're up now. Alright, so you want to head on over to the real world?

Unknown: 6:36

The real world where we talk about the real shit. The ships?

Rebel: 6:42

No, we're not going to talk about this. today. Maybe we can make that into a different episode. But that's definitely not going to be what we're talking about today. All right, these little depression. Yay. Yay. The season to be tears. I. I mean, like, so I think it's funny that there's like seasonal depression because like, I feel like I'm depressed all the time. But like, also, it gets amplified because of all the darkness. You hear these stories? What pupil in the Northwest, and he wouldn't say North East, but it's Northwest. Yeah. I mean, isn't it anywhere? Like that's pretty north from the equator. Yeah. But like when you think of like Seattle, it's like, just constantly, like dark and rainy and gloomy. And like, what's it called? Alaska? Days of Darkness? Yeah, the worst. So like, all that lack of vitamin D or just like always swimming. Like it's an Endless Night. Yeah, that affects people. Yeah, definitely. I know that. There's like studies that demonstrate the impact that it has on your psyche. So yeah, I just thought that it's like, I feel like it shouldn't really impact us as much because all it is, is it just gets darker earlier, but I feel like it's the holidays. It's triggering. Yeah, it's like a mixture of the I feel like also like, when it gets dark at four or five o'clock. I'm like, What's the point the day is over? Like, I don't want to do anything else. I'm done. That's how I feel. Um, no, I could see that. Um, it's just like people that are telling make lady press start having depressive like episodes or seeming depressed or being depressed like During the same year. I wonder like, how does that make you feel as like a depressed person? fine as long as people aren't just like, oh and sunny have has a holiday is it's like, no, like, there's like, Oh my God. I don't know. I have like no energy. I have no lust for life. I've just like what's the point? Then? I'm like, sup homie? What's up fam?

Unknown: 9:03

Welcome. I'm gonna make a suicide pact. No sorry. I know people get awkward I say stuff like that because they know I actually advise but you got a lot to keep from crying people. Let's roll let's I got glitter tears on my face for today.

Rebel: 9:18

So do you have seasonal depression?

Shove: 9:21

I did only because like, I think it's like holiday base, which is seasonal or whatever. I also get depressed in February. So like, that's my seasonal like my personal seasonal depression because I think when you think of life, like Life is like seasons like it's the time of your life is a different season.

Rebel: 9:42

You also have oh my gosh, was it called? It's like PTSD in a way aware like your body kind of stores the pain so like, let's say you got dumped or you experienced like some kind of like trash Do you like a parent dying or a friend like someone dying in your life those close to you? So exactly, you're later. It's like, all of a sudden, you might start feeling like off and weird and like not making the best choices and like, not able to concentrate and like crying for no reason. And you're not really thinking about why. And then you look at the date and you're like, Oh, shit. And this is like your body stores that your mind does, even though you're not like consciously thinking about it. So that could be like your seasonal depression. Like I know, like, typical seasonal depression is like, it's wintertime. It's dark. It's the holidays. It's depressing, but I think like, seasonal can be like, that's your season for depression. Yeah, I mean, like, think about all the people who started feeling all sorts of weird and fuckin like crazy. This last March, April time period, it's because all of us have this, like, trauma that we experience when the pandemic started, and like a year came up on that, and all of our bodies were like, Oh, my God, what's going on? No, definitely. It's, it's there. And then it's almost weird because it's like this every year because we're seasonal depression make the next year worse because of the way you acted and what you went through. Like it's compounding on itself. You just self triggering yourself. I mean, it's possible. I don't know. Like, yeah, like, Oh, yeah. Last year, seasonal depression was so bad, then you're like nervous about the following year.

Unknown: 11:31

There's anything about the holidays make you depressed? Are you everything? I know, you're a Christmas person?

Rebel: 11:38

No, yeah, the holidays don't make me depressed. I actually really like the holidays. And like time has gone by enough where I feel empowered to separate myself from situations that I don't want to be in. Or like, I can be in those situations for a short amount of time. And then I've compensated with so many other like, good, fun activities, that it's not like, negative for me anymore. It's just like, this is a blip. This is something like I have to do. And then you know,

Shove: 12:09

yeah, Thanksgiving always feels like to me, because Thanksgiving was always like, some shit went down. Like it was always like, someone got too drunk. And then there was a fight. And then everyone hated each other. I had to chase someone out of the house and convince him to come home. Like it was always something. So for me, it's like always like, what's gonna go wrong, or it's gonna be annoying and had to be forced to be around people I don't want to be around. So like, That's always how I see Thanksgiving. And like, this was the first year in a minute that like, will the first time ever to be like, I invited my dad over to like the Thanksgiving brunch, that rebel hose. And for me, it was doable, because he wasn't sitting next to me. We didn't really talk that much. But even when we do, it's like small talk. But like my dad can be triggering for me. But like, this time, it was like, I'm grateful because it was like, all pretty much good experience. Like there weren't any like, side passive aggressive comments mean, it was just like good things. And like he even said, like, oh, like you have some good people in your life. So that was cool. And so I think like, that was nice to know that it doesn't have to be like, my dad's constantly a trigger for me. Like, I remember, the only thing is like, he saw a picture of like, Mom, my mom, like in the kitchen. And he's like, Oh, do you have any other pictures? Your mom and I showed them? And it's like, I don't want to talk about my mom during the holidays, like on a holiday. And that was the only thing it's just like, I get it you bond. You like to bring my mom because you know, like, that's our one connection. But like,

Rebel: 13:45

yeah, yeah, that's hard. Yeah, no, no, like, I always just think like, Oh, I do miss some of the happy memories in the holidays with like, I don't know, like, colleagues were just so fucked for like, more of my life than not. Yeah, that makes sense. I feel like for me, like when I became an adult, the holidays were something that I got to claim ownership over which I really liked that and I felt like that was part of the process of me coming into my own was me like creating my own holiday traditions. So I know that when you started dating me, you probably notice like, wow, this girl has a lot of random like holiday traditions, but they aren't like with anyone per se. Like they're just like things I like to do. And whoever is around me, I like make do them with me. And I feel like that's my way of like recreating like creating something happy for myself during the holidays because I don't necessarily love going home to my family. And that's not something that I look forward to and so yeah yeah, inside and I think I think what you were talking about earlier, yours is a really important point, like, seasonal depression doesn't have to just be like during the holiday seasons.

Unknown: 15:08

It can be any point in your life where you're kind of like, I'm not so stoked right now, I

Rebel: 15:15

don't really know why. But it's just like, a few months or a month or a few weeks or something where you're just kind of like, yeah,

Shove: 15:25

I guess we're not happy. And that's okay. Yeah, I like for one time, I've purposely had something really depressing happened to me. And like, I had to schedule the appointment. Like, I've put it in my depressive month. Like, I was like, I might as well be like, in the same time, because I thought, it's better to have like a boom, boom, boom in a row of bad stuff and like, have like it spread. We were like, That's so depressing. I was like, actually, I failed to go.

Unknown: 15:56

Or like, actually, I'm just consolidating it all into one time frame, a beautiful box of fucked up shit with a pretty bow on it that's just kept together.

Rebel: 16:07

Yeah. So seasonal depression, I think is very real. I also think that there are just times when life doesn't work out for you. And you know, that's okay. And that's the way life works sometimes. That's how I feel. I definitely definitely had like a seasonal depression when I fucking broke my leg. Yeah, well, but I think that's different to talking about. I'm not seasonal depression. Yeah. It's not like every year that's just like, I that's injured. And I got depressed. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I don't know if there's a specific seasonal. I feel like for me, there's no predicting my depression.

Unknown: 16:52

I don't know. Have you? Have you noticed any pattern for me? Now? They're like, pretty, like, something that I wrecked that like gets like, well, of course, you should act that way.

Rebel: 17:05

Then you get depressed? Like, you're not like a I'm depressed for no reason. If you might think so. But it's usually like pretty like, that makes sense. Yeah, it makes burnout makes you depressed. Yeah. You know, I mean, like, I feel like there's no reason but I guess you seeing it from the outside that makes sense that you have noticed that like, there is a reason. Yeah. You don't just like wake up one day. And it's like yeah, I mean, I do feel like that is it, but it does make sense that it's probably just like, me being depressed because I burned myself out. Because there's actually like, just no reason.

Unknown: 17:51

Yeah. Or you get like, overwhelmed. Like there's and then like, a lot of times it's like, ah, and then they're good. Yeah. And then you have like some lingering like depression, but it's like, you're pretty like good at coping, or like climbing out of it.

Rebel: 18:08

Yeah. You Don't wallow? Yeah. Cuz I hate the feeling of being depressed. And I think also I like, because of the way my mom was, and like, how much she struggled with depression struggles with depression. Like I it overwhelms me. Yeah. When I start feeling that because I see like, just how bad it gets for her and I get scared that that's gonna be me. So like, it's like, all of my everything inside of me goes into like high alert mode. As soon as I start, like going down that tunnel, and I'm like muscle muscle must stop immediately.

Unknown: 18:56

I don't know. i That's how I feel anyways. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, I think like, as long as I didn't become an alcoholic, I wouldn't be at as bad as my mom. And it definitely like blew her. We thought it was called manic depressive back there back then. But

Shove: 19:15

now it's bipolar. It's like, things add up now. Like, sometimes she would get drunk, like be really depressed and like how these nightmares and then just like cry and like stuff like that. But usually we'll just be drunk. And I think that kind of like, helped her just like keep going in order to blackout. So you wouldn't really notice the depression too much. But the alcohol would also feel like her manic episodes which now I understand where manic episodes like one time. I was like, super obvious. And she had a checkbook you know, everyone wrote checks back then because it was like early 2000s. And she picked me and my friend, my best friend and took us the hot topic and buttoned up Not just me, but my friend like Gotham, Marilyn Manson looking boots, and like vinyl trench coats. And when we got core sets and fish nets, she wrote bad checks there then we went to torrid and she bought me a core set and a cute skirt and like, all this stuff, wrote another bad check there. And then we just like went and then like, it took a dark turn on the way home, I was just like, Oh, now she's going to a dark place. Then I was like, embarrassed, but like me and my friend had like, hundreds of dollars worth of new swag. So it was like fun. I'm like, I always remember that like moments thinking that like, oh, like when I was drunk. It's really fun until it's not.

Rebel: 20:40

Yeah, and now it's like, understanding my illness more. It's like, holy shit. Of course. She was. Cool. Yeah, like, That makes so much sense. Yeah, um, I also think like, oh my god, writing bad checks is the worst idea because it literally has your full name and address on it. When I got a job there years later, I was all worried. I was like, Oh, my mommy's like, Oh, yeah. When they were like, training me about like checks and how to run checks. Like, yeah, you see a lot of bad checks, and I'll let you run the check through this. Sounds like don't say anything? Yeah, like, it's a secret. Was one of them. You're like, at the like Christmas party for your work. And

Unknown: 21:23

you're like, Oh, wow. I mean, tell you a secret about me. Stupid. It's like two truths and a lie. Oh, my God. Okay, anyways, um,

Rebel: 21:40

how do you deal with seasonal depression? How do I deal with seasonal depression? How do the people how should the doctor rebel, Dr. Rebel, um, I think that you should try and get your thoughts out of your head somehow. So like, whether that is whatever method that you prefer, I think that that's how you should try and get your thoughts out of your head. You know, like, my therapist has me record videos talking, like to the camera, because I'm a verbal processor. And so when I feel super depressed, and super just like, overwhelmed, or anything, she like, she like tells me to just like, go and record it and then deleted afterwards, but like, it helps me get it out of my head. And that makes me feel a little bit better. But I think that that method doesn't work for everyone. Some people like writing work, some people doing like art works. Some people like calling someone and bitching like that, that works. And I think some people like whatever coping mechanism you have. And if you don't have a coping mechanism, find one because literally, if you don't have a coping mechanism,

Shove: 22:57

it will be mechanisms. I had a bad connotation until I started therapy. And I was like, What do you mean? That's okay. Like things that you think are like really bad coping mechanisms like unhealthy? You plan on is better, because what would happen without those coping mechanisms is far worse. Like,

Rebel: 23:13

yeah, my therapist, actually, this is probably gonna really, I don't know why I feel like I'm about to cry right now. I'm fine. I promise. I'm depression. Yeah, I don't know. But like, my therapists literally told me, because I always thought the fact that I would like drive, and then blast my music super, super loud. And then like, scream, yell, all the words. Like I always thought that that was kind of unhealthy, maybe like that. I shouldn't be doing that. And she was like, No, that's super healthy. And that's great. You should do that. And why haven't you done that in a while. And I was like, because I'm stuck at home because I isolate myself when I'm fucking depressed. And that's what I've been doing recently is just like staying home. And like, just not going anywhere. And, and then she told me like, there are times when like, I'm going to know that I'm going to be depressed, kind of like seasonal depression. This is actually like, the reason why, why I wanted to talk about this today because my therapist like handed it in to me this week, but therapy giving us topics for escape date, thanks. But like, she was saying that there are going to be times when I know that things are going to be bad. And when I know that things are going to be bad, I should preemptively start coping. So like, instead of just going and like driving and like screaming loud to music, when I'm in that moment that that's more like, Oh, I forgot what she calls it, but lo she call it crisis mode. Like just instead of just dealing when you're in crisis mode, to like start coping with how you know you're going to feel ahead of time. And that kind of blew my mind because I didn't really ever think of that like why would I cope like beforehand, but She's like, if you know that things are gonna get bad during a certain month like, like, for example, when when like shove seasonal depression gets bad in February, like, it's really hard for me to. And so she was like in February or before February like you should know, February's coming and you should start taking care of yourself first. So like you should start like, you know screaming and listening to music before you feel, you know, sad or you know, you're empathizing or whatever. And I was like, Oh, that makes sense. And she's like, before, if you ever realize like that, there's gonna be a time if you notice a pattern, or maybe your partner or your best friend or your parents, like, they notice patterns in you. And they, you know, say to you, you know, like, oh, during June, you tend to like struggle or whatever. Like, maybe there's a way of like, taking care of yourself, kind of like putting some padding around you before you enter that season. Nice. I don't know, what do you think?

Unknown: 25:57

Go to your hardware store and get the sunlight bulbs, because it's almost like daylight.

Rebel: 26:04

That's what we did stretch our LED lights and stretch out that light. So it's not all dark and gloomy. If you feel like he gets really bad, please seek help. Yeah, call for help call for a friend to come over. Just don't be alone. Yeah, reach out for help. Yeah, I think like, admitting to yourself, and then allowing, like, I think admitting yourself that you're going through what you're going through as important, because I think for a long time, like I compared myself to other people in my life, or that I had grown up with, and like their experiences. And so for me, all of these different, like mental illnesses still feel like I'm gonna cry. All of these different mental illnesses, like have a person attached to them. For me, so like, you know, different mental illnesses are connected to like my grandma, or like my mom, or like my brother. And for me, like, I never felt like I had any of those things because I was different than like, my mom, or my brother or my grandma. And so, like, accepting the fact that I also struggle with those things, but that it's different. And that that's okay. And that, like my experience can be similar and different to theirs. I think was really important for me. When she's crying, I know I don't know why I'm crying. I like I've had such an emotional week. And then like, you like the audio sucks on this YouTube this fuckin this podcast right now. Because my recording has stopped working like 10 times. Yeah, because I think that my laptop is dying. Which is so annoying. Like, just so annoying. Of all the things to happen like I just would like my everything to just work. Yeah, I don't have to replace more things. Yeah, that's overwhelming. Anyways, let me get the fuck out of the real world. Yeah, let's leave this place. I hate it here No, we'll weld the wheel world where we're talking about skating in xiety. Skating anxiety. We talked about it before maybe we just touch base on it. No, we like talked about general like not wanting to skate around episode of anxiety. Yeah. anxiety, anxiety? No. Like, in season two episode, I think like 37 or something like that. Okay, so yes. I know we're going to change the approach that we take to skate date next year. But of all the roller skates, gaming podcasts that are active, we're the longest lasting and the most consistent even though we haven't been very consistent recently, which makes us the fools. Okay, so do you ever have skinny in xiety all the time. Oh my god, I have so much getting anxiety because you broke your leg and smashed your teeth in or like even before that, even before that I have always I have always had skating anxiety. When I was playing derby. I used to like feel sick before I went to even just regular practice, especially when scrimmaging was involved. Every time I go to the skate park, I have major skating anxiety every time I Go to the rink. I have skating anxiety every time I skate with anyone who's even kind of better than me at skating, who isn't like in my very close circle, I have anxiety. Like really good at hiding that. Oh, thank you. But yeah, I do feel intense anxiety about skating. Specifically, because I know this is something that we've talked about like, like, we should not do or feel this, but like, I still feel like I should be better than I am at skating at this point. And I know that that is stupid. And that is, like, there's no substance behind that. And then there's no logic behind it. And I have to keep telling myself that, because I know it's not real. But it still is the like, little like, devil that creeps into my head to say those things. You know, the devil. Yeah, the literal devil creeps into my head and says, You suck. I don't have the hole. Like for me, it's not like that, like, I should be better where I am. Because like, I know, I'm just like,

Shove: 31:09

I would have to practice more like I am where I am. Because that's where I am. Like, I don't put in the work. Because like, for me, it's just like, ski to ski. Like, I don't want to be the best or like, there's all things I want to learn here and there. But for me, like, I just like to ski to ski and for the community. So like, I don't feel like I need to be the master at something. So I'm people like past me. I'm like, that's cool. Whatever. For me, it's more like, if I'm having an off day, especially if I get anxious and like, my body's we trained me and I'm like, I can't I literally can't skate right now I have noodle legs. I'm overwhelmed. And then like, the fear of having like someone that looks up to me on the internet, or something like seeing me while I'm skating like that, or I mean, like breakdown. That's what makes me nervous. It's just like, Oh, great. Now people are gonna think I can't even skate on that, like, everything's a lie that scares me. And like, that gives me more anxiety than the idea of like, not being as good as other people that are somewhere.

Rebel: 32:09

I don't think that it's the idea of not being as good as people. For me. I think I miscommunicated that, what I feel is a pressure to perform. So yeah, that's what kind of what I'm talking about. Yeah, like, I feel like a pressure I think, especially because like on my Youtube, like, I teach people how to skate. And I think I feel like I should be better than I am at skating in general, in order to be like teaching all these people how to skate. And so I struggle with being somewhere and feeling like I should be, you know, to a certain standard, and then like, not hitting that standard. And that causes me to not want to go out and skate very often. Yeah. And that sucks, because I don't think that that should exist. Like, I think that that should be a non a non issue, you know, Mm hmm. And I don't even know, per se that anyone expects me to like perform at a certain standard when I go to the skate park, or when I go to the rink or anything, but, and I'm not nervous about like falling or messing up or any of that. I think it's just that like, sometimes I literally just don't know what to do. And I'm skating. And that gives me anxiety. I wish that I had exactly what I was supposed to do. But then that kind of destroys the point of like flowing and skating, I have to like warm up and get comfortable at first. So like when I'm like today, the photo shoot, like I have that warm up period. And I was on the ramp with like any safety gear. So I get like really hesitant. So when the photographer was here, like I didn't really do anything, and I fell out of it. Because I wasn't like in that confident like, Oh, I'm just like vibing I'm just skating right now. And then like rebel took some pictures of me with her phone later. And I was like, wow, like, I'm doing so much better. And this is like, what I wanted to convey in this like photo shoot. And then now I just felt like crap, because I'm like, I should have given that energy to my friend slash photographer. And I did it. So I feel like oh, I wasted her time. And then that made me feel bad because it's like, it's like a photo shoot for a skate thing. And then I feel like people are gonna see these pictures and be like, she's just a model in skates. When like, I definitely know how to be in movement. And then so like, that just made me stand out like, oh, no, like the same thing like the, like anxiety because like you feel like you need to perform.

Shove: 34:46

Yeah, Mm hmm. But yeah, relate to that. And just like, sometimes I wonder if like, the anxiety gets worse when I'm skating or like anyone really is because you're exercising So your bloods already pumping faster. So if you already have slight anxiety, like, I wonder if that's just heightening it more. So like, you know, like, sometimes I think about that, like, you're already, like moving really fast and like, is that hoping? Or is that making you more anxious? Because, like, fight or flight already activated? Yeah, for sure. But yeah, so it's like really important for me like, I think I've talked about it before like, like get to my destination sometimes it just like, do some breathing or like chill out for a second and then go in. Because sometimes like if I go like socially when I used to skate by myself at our old place, like walk into portfolio or not portfolios into the library, the coffee shop, not the book place. I would skate there and one time like, I would try to skate right in and then instantly almost fall, and then not be able to like order when I wanted properly. What happens to me when I get anxious, it's like, super embarrassing, and like, sometimes it seems like a normal conversation, but I forget words, or I replace words with different words. And then sometimes people laugh because they don't really know what's going on. And then I feel stupid, and they don't want to talk anymore. So I closed down because it's definitely like one of those things. And I'm just like, Oh, crap, like you literally can't talk right now. And it's definitely feels like that thing that's getting kind of worse lately, too. But so now like, or then I started skating and then there was a little Ollie and I would stop there and like just kind of chill for a second like listen to a whole song and then go in. It'd be like a way better experience and going from skating straight there. Stopping and it'd be like

Rebel: 36:40

everyone's staring at me, I feel on edge, blah, blah, then going in and trying to act like a normal human just like order a stupid fruit tart and a coffee. Like giving myself a chance to like catch my breath fully relax, let adrenaline's on going from like street skating, and then go in like cutting restart, that would help. Yeah, I feel like for me, I It's very dependent on the people that I'm around. Like, it's very dependent on the people I'm around. Like, if there's even one person that I'm not comfortable with it, like, all the comfort goes out the door. And so I feel like when I'm around, like, for example, when I'm around Estro. Like I feel totally fine, even though like they're obviously significantly better at skating than me, but I don't feel intimidated. I don't feel weird. I don't feel anything like that when I'm around them. Because, like, they're so close. And so like that comfort level is there. But like anyone else that was to be like better than me or like, that I don't have a report with I just feel like I kind of like just act kind of weird. Like I don't like I almost stopped wanting to skate which like, I hate that. I don't want to not want to skate like I want to just want to skate. And even if I want to skate, it's like I get there. And then I like oh, man, no, I don't want to skate. And it's like, that sucks. It does. I wonder if more people feel that way? Probably right? Or it's just like, there's like a shit ton of people that are good skating. And I'm just like, great. I'm still in the way now. And like, sometimes I'll be like, Wait, actually, they're very supportive. So I'm gonna do my whatever. And they'll cheer me on. And I'm like, cool, but like, he gets like, Oh, now there's six people. Very good. I'll be like, I'll go ski on the other side of the park. Because I'm just like, I'm just waste. I feel like I'm just wasting people's time going in and doing whatever little shady line or run I want to do. But it was a fleet. I was cooling somewhere. And now I'm was and will it come back? I can. Go ahead. Yeah. So I feel like for me, another thing that gives me anxiety is like, whenever people will, like, try and get me to do something. Like if someone's trying to teach me something. I really like that. But I also it really gives me anxiety because I feel like if I don't accomplish it, then I have failed them. And I've wasted their time.

Shove: 39:20

A lot of times I actually skate better when like I'm around people I don't know because that feeling of like I have something to prove. So. So like at rollouts, like even though usually like even like it's a physical thing to like, let's say I normally a little get tired and like wanna break or like my back hurts. All of a sudden when I'm leading a rollout it's like what back pain? What blah, blah just like writing pure adrenaline and I just like can do the whole fucking thing and I'm just like, Yeah, I did it. And usually in the front by myself because it's just being surrounded by other people in the back. But um, I'm going to Miami as I mentioned earlier to me This summer, and I'm nervous because like, I always get weird about skating, like, straighten her been on like, I don't know if I can trust like, I have to trust the neighborhood. I gotta trust the ground. I got to know. Can I skate in the street? Because I don't like sidewalks. How are the drivers out here? Am I gonna like just get like fucked with or they're gonna treat me like a bicycle and I'll be safe like, why are there a lot of potholes? Like if I take this? Is there a hill right around the corner? Is this Phil even safe to bomb? Or does it have random fucking holes in it? These are things I need a noticeable safe so I tend to like really BB skate in new places because I don't know if I can trust it. And especially if some nightscape and I'm going to Miami I'm like on night one like it's a night skate. And like knowing that, like I was able to look up and be like, Okay, that's a part look smooth, but I think it's gonna go into the street. And I don't know anything about that. And like, I'm one of those people asked me overprepared, so I like looked up the skate park, we're going to, I looked up the park, we're starting the rollout. Like I want all this information, so I can feel more secure, because I'm not big on just going to a new place without any information. And now it's like, I also need to skate and just be like, this is fine. And like, it makes me feel weird. Yeah, that's totally nerve wracking. Yeah, but I'm just hoping the fact that like, he'll be like, well, there's people I don't know, here. Like, I'll just push through it. Just do it. Like, I'm going with people I do know. And like, I've traveled with one of them before and it went well. So we'll see. We'll see. It should be interesting.

Rebel: 41:42

I think you're gonna do great. I think you'll have fun and you're gonna do great. And yeah, you'll feel bad anxiety. But like, is there something that you can do to help yourself in the moment with your anxiety? Drink? Not recommend. No, definitely drinking water though. Because like when I get anxious, and I'm dehydrated, and skating, I do throw up.

Shove: 42:08

You seen it? Yeah. Many overwhelmed. You water? Um, so yeah, I meant drink water, not alcohol. No, but for me, like, I'm not gonna lie. Like, I know. It's gonna be like a tough thing. I want to take like a shot real quick and just be like, who for the nerds like not like get drunk drunk? So if you don't have a drinking problem I recommend maybe not, but not all the time. That shows bad advice, I guess. But do you boo boo. And, um, no, but like, seriously, like, the breathing really does help. I'll even do like under my breath. Like I used to, like, totally hide it. But now I don't really care if people really notice and I'm like, breathing slowly, all of a sudden, because that's what has to bring me back to reality and try to convince myself like, so key. You're gonna be okay. You're safe. So I'm really into like deep breathing, for sure.

Rebel: 43:02

And you like sneak away sometimes. Right? Oh, yeah, just appear. That's in here. Like her number one

Shove: 43:09

tactic. Yeah, the queer prom I just disappeared. So many times. I was just like, I haven't this. Like it was just like too much time. So I would just go out to the front where there was literally no one and just sit there. But then people started asking questions. So then I'd go in, or the photographer was because no one was there. And then I'd go to the dance floor where there was no one dancing because everyone was skating. And then like, I just would find places like pockets where there was zero people. I love it. Yeah. And then it's like so nice. Silence is even better.

Rebel: 43:41

Yeah. Awesome. Any other thoughts about skating anxiety? So yeah, it's alright, let's move on over to Two girls, one pup. Two girls, one pup, the segment that wasn't mentioned by chef in the beginning. And the rebel said, this is boring. We're running out of things. Boy, he's not doing anything. I was right. I had to pandemic yada, yada, yada. And I was like football. We love him in the memes. So good. And she's like, he just wanted to work, but it can't. And I was like, fine. So then I was like, well ask your skate date. And then that was great. And then people hated us and stopped writing. And so now it's back to two girls one pup, at least for this episode. So what's going on with Bowie this week, baby? Well, he's melted on the table with his back leg dangling into my lap. Very cute because he's really needy right now because he had surgery last all drugged up. Yeah, yeah, he had surgery because he had a little maths on his eye, and they had to remove it. And then he also had to get teeth removed and he got eight teeth removed. Or guy So yeah, so he's on antibiotics and painkillers and Benadryl. And yes, we're Kareem. And he has to wear a cone. Yeah. So we have a little, a softer Cone of Shame for him. Now, it was really funny when he, when he came home, he would just stand somewhere random and just stare off into space. Like he was still so high. We were like, Oh, my gosh, was going on. He was top shivering. It was sort of sad. Sad. So we're like trying to help him. But you know, he can't talk. So we're just trying to do our best to read his body language. And now we'll take the code off. And he's like, laying with us. And I think like, we have constant vision on him. But he has to keep the phone on pretty much for two weeks, because we don't want him scraping his stitches out on his eye. For a little girl or a little guy eating wet food because his teeth offices. Yeah, his birthday was last week. So it's 10 He turned 10. And then he got this big surgery. Happy birthday. The knife and he was like, fine, it's gonna cost you more than$3,000 He was like, I I want a facelift. Man, so pay for this. So he was excited. He was like, oh my god, I'm gonna look like a five year old pup again. And then he went to the vet thinking this is it. I'm getting my beauty surgery. And then he's like, cool, like prior to doing eyelift within the he got out. He's like, What the fuck? Yeah, he was like, you're supposed to give me straight teeth and not pull my teeth. Yeah, so he's a little mad at us for that. But he's doing well. His he's starting to finally like try to scratch about i, which is a good sign because that means it's healing. Yeah, the doctor didn't say that. But I know that just from all the times I've fallen false Kadeem. And every time things heal, they itch. Yeah, it's that skin growing back. Yeah. But yeah, so he is doing well. The doctor said that he did really well under the anesthesia. And that overall, he just did really good. So that's excellent. And a good little teeter totter. He is a really good potato. So we're proud of him. But yeah, it was a lot of money. And it was like my enemy. Let's go out. So if you would like to help with Bowies 1000s of dollars. And he has to go back again. There's our Venmo attached. Yeah. Girl skates, and just right Bowie in there. Yeah, just right Bowie. So we know. Even if it's $1 switch. Now you know why I'm so frustrated about my computer because we like 100,000% can not afford me to have to get a new laptop. And it's Christmas. Yeah, we took our Christmas movie took our Christmas, but that's we love you. We want to make sure he didn't have puppy cancer. And we wanted to make sure that he wasn't in pain with his teeth, but also that his bad breath might have been because of the bad teeth. Yeah, definitely watch him still have bad breath. Probably because he's a dog. No, but like, there's dog breath and there's a nice belly breath is something shit in your mouth. Did it die and then did it shit. Like, that's literally what it fucking smells like. It's so yeah, but we love them anyway, we love him very much.

Unknown: 48:29

I would rather smell his butthole than his breath. I'd rather have his button my face in his face. I'm not even looking like he's slept No.

Rebel: 48:43

By my face before it smelled nothing. He is and I'm like, okay, though, but one time boy. He pooped on my leg, like, and then another time, he was like, my mom and I go to pick him up. And I put my hand on his butt and it was just covered. It was shit. It was so disgusting. And I was like, oh my god, this is so gross. But I was like, Oh, poor guy. And it was also like so gross. Like weeks apart from each other. Literally this both of those things happened like last month. Yeah. So know what that's low. But that's love I guess so that is literally like being a mother to baby human. But he's very cute. And so now I sing songs to him and we whisper in his ears even though he can't hear us and we give him your scratches and lots of cuddles even more than usual, way more than usual, which was already a lot so like he's never on the table during a podcast. So you know, he's been like, I've just been holding him like he's been on my shoulder a lot recently. So he loves us. He loves milking it for sure. He's for sure milking it. Like he won't take his meds with his regular food. It's like has to be like cheese or like some other random like shit yeah, anyways, yeah, so that's two girls one pup and if you want to write in for find your skate date, you can email us at dear skate date@gmail.com. Or you can DM us on skate date pod on Instagram. And you would just send us a picture a short bio, your handle and your pronouns and then you we will talk about you on the podcast help you find a skate in your area. Alright, you want to move on to deer shovel? Let's do it, okay. Remember, in Deer shovel, we talk about questions y'all ask and then we answer them. So if you want to write in a question, you can either again DM us on at the skate date pod, or you can email us at dear skate date@gmail.com Your questions starting with your shovel and it could be about anything at all, and we will answer it. So. So today's question is, dear shovel, what are your favorite holiday traditions? And what are you most excited about doing this year? Sincerely a lover of statements,

Shove: 51:28

my favorite holiday or the past and that'd be Halloween. So that's my holiday season. And it was humming a Halloween party. And it was going out on Halloween. And it was watching scary movies all month. November, whatever Thanksgiving and Christmas time with rebel. It's like more fun, but my only tradition would be watching like Christmas and drinking eggnog and watching Rebel open her presents. Anything else

Rebel: 51:58

I don't care about? handed over to rebel. And what are you most excited about doing this here? Nothing. Nothing. Different file. I mean, yeah, it's just it's the same thing every year. And it's like, cool. Like, I like watching you happy for my new presence. And it's not like I'm most excited for. And then like, I really enjoy watching like Christmas, but I don't live for it. Like Christmas is cool. Like I think and literally even just Christmas like, month like December. I think I'm just a sucker for lights to be honest. And maybe it's because I did too much ecstasy in my early 20s In my rave days, and I'm like, ooh, shiny lights. But like I just like that there's lights everywhere. And it's cute. And I really like to smell cinnamon. And I'm happy for y'all to come and but that's it. See, that was a good answer. But let's like I'm not like, Oh my god. Yay. It's finally Christmas time. I don't think you have to be like that in order to have something to look forward to. But like there's a lot of people out there you that like are so happy that when it's like finally holidays. It's like oh my God finally. Yes. Like you love the decorating. You love everything. Yeah, that's true. I'm excited about everything. I am excited to decorate the house and have a tree up. I'm excited about making sugar cookies and decorating them I'm excited. Last year was a failure in Vegas fail what even happened? We like tried to make dinner. And then they were like wave to fly. And we tried to use like a knife. Yeah. Yeah, it was a disaster. I remember that now. Good times. Um, I am looking forward to I want to go Christmas caroling on my skates. I like skating downtown Naples and looking at lights. I like hot drinks. Like I like drinking hot drinks in the cold and like doing Christmas activities or like holiday activities. Like, I want to go ice skating. And I don't like making gingerbread houses. I used to think I liked it. And that concept is fun. We did it. I would feel the same way about okay, I feel the same way about gingerbread house decorating as I do about carving pumpkins. And that is no, it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work and it is a waste of time. It is 100% a waste of time. So I feel those are the two I'm sorry if you're all fans of those two activities, but I think those two activities are the biggest piles of trash that we've been told that we're supposed to enjoy but like nobody likes doing it and then pumpkins literally last for like two days. And then fuck gingerbread houses once you make them, they don't taste good. Because they're, they're stale because they've been sitting out. It's always, you know, I mean, like it's a waste of candy. Yeah, the candy that comes with is never even good. They know you're not gonna get it and like, and like the frosting does not work like you literally, in order to make your gingerbread house stand up. Without wanting to kill yourself. You have to use hot glue, like just period like you just have to you have to ruin the fact you have to ruin your gingerbread house for eating in order to not want to punch your ginger Remy we also got a really cheap one so I'm sure there's like a frosty that does work. Like we probably just like suck at it. It does not matter the$10 one from Trader Joe's should work like people aren't glue getting their gingerbread houses. Yeah, well, people also probably have more time in their lives. You're just like, sit there and like what blow on frosting to make it hard. And how do you even make it harden? I don't know. There's no instruction. That's like, Hold you just said but like you have to hold it together for so long. Like I was successful. We were both successful eventually in like putting our gingerbread house together but like it's not worth it. And there's never enough there's never enough of any like one ingredient to make a consistent pattern. Like across the house. Oh, are still going no, it's really fucked up. Wow, so that's my least favorite which like the sign rebel rousers petition to cancel so gingerbread house but don't cancel like you know, like when you go to a you know, those like Christmas pop up things where you like can go into a room and then it's a life sized gingerbread house. Don't cancel those because those are excellent. I love those existing decorated already gingerbread houses. Oh cute, that are life size. Okay. Build your own gingerbread house. No, cancel. I hate that activity. Also think that it would be fun this year. This is what I'm looking. I'm looking forward to doing Christmas crafts. So I'm looking forward to it. So I like to make large life size lollipops and put them in our yard this year. That is my goal. Do you think she'll do it? Probably not. I might. I might do it. Usually, okay. Every year, I usually make gifts for everyone. Last year usually it's either a fail or way too much. Last year, I made bath salts and like, like different like, smells and like put them together and put them in cute little tubes and like all this sort of stuff. I still have that shit left over. Like I still have so much freaking bats out. So if you want to come on over I should probably give you I mean No, like I'm gonna give you some. There'll be like weird conversations like someone will be like, yeah, and then yada yada yada. And then rebel goes, do a bathtub. Like this is real shit. Like, they'll be like, all confused, like, yes, like, Oh, cool. Here's some bath salts or it's like, no, no, like, and then just like, oh. And then they'll just keep telling their story like what the hell? I wish that was an exaggeration, but that literal conversations happen at least three times that I can recall immediately off the top of my head. I even tried to pawn some off on someone at Thanksgiving brunch this last joke. Yeah, but it's fine. Yeah, so anyway, so last year I made bath salts the year before that I made candles was that the candle year candles didn't burn the candles and I made like I had poured them and everything and they made the coasters remember you made jewelry holders marbled and then like you painted the rim. It was very cute. Because you should have used Modge Podge that was yeah, I made like little little bowls made out of like marbled clay cuz I like took different clay and then I like marble that together and then I you know like cooked it and it was amazing. Yeah, so those are I don't know whether they're gone. And then the candles that I made that year they didn't

Unknown: 59:38

stay lit. So I just gave all these candles everyone. Nobody said anything. Which means that everyone was very, very nice.

Rebel: 59:47

Where they just never tried to light their candle which I doubt so

Unknown: 59:52

Christmas the time of failure. Yeah. Okay, they grow shitty crafts.

Rebel: 59:57

I don't think that there was anything else you really Whatever. Anything else before my time? Yeah, so good times. Oh my gosh, yeah. So that's what I do I fail during the holiday season. And I'm fine with it. It's fine with me. I don't have an idea of what to make this year, so I'm just gonna not. Okay, got it. Yeah. All right. Well, that was cool. Thank you. Thanks for going on that roller coaster ride. That was this podcast. gingerbread houses, fuck gingerbread houses also can't believe I cried. And also some of this audio is going to be excellent. And some of it's going to be terrible. So

Unknown: 1:00:41

and also what? Maybe Be on the lookout on a certain major sports brand YouTube channel for December 14.

Rebel: 1:00:59

Oh, is you might see me on it. With a famous golf players nice and a famous singer. Wow.

Unknown: 1:01:10

That's that's all the hint. Oh, that's exciting. I love that. Yeah. If you're watching on YouTube, and you think you know where that'll be what it is. Here's a head. They only have black women on it.

Rebel: 1:01:26

When it's on a major sports brand channel. That's. Yeah, that's a good hint. I love that. But yeah, so after that, just watch for chefs page, because you'll see exciting stuff dropping there. And yeah, so we hope that you love this episode of this podcast. This is us at our realest that's why we started making this podcast so we could be real A F with you and talk about things that aren't just how to roller skate. Yeah, and we have about three weeks until we go on our holiday hiatus. Yes. And then we're gonna come back with a refreshed understanding of how we're going to approach the podcast. Hell yeah. No more burnout. Hell yeah, no burnout. So ways to support our podcast one you could give us five stars and and comment on Apple podcasts. That would be amazing. We'll shout you out. The next way is that you could subscribe to her YouTube like comment and subscribe. That third way is to shop at cheers the query calm or fat femme fatale shop, which is my shop and shop shop. And by doing that you're supporting us, which also supports this podcast

Unknown: 1:02:47

and share our podcast with your friends. They'll hate you for it.

Rebel: 1:02:52

Because they'll either be addicted or they'll be like What is this nonsense? Thank you so much for listening and or watching. We love you so much. Have a wonderful week and we will see you next Wednesday slash Thursday. Yes, yeah.