Ep. 2.40: 2021 is over (basically). Guess who cries in this one?

In season 2 episode 40 (omg!) of Skate Date, we talk about how 2021 is over (basically). Guess who cries in this one? We recap our feelings about 2021 and what our plans are for 2022.

We went completely off script for this one. We'll be back the week of January 12th!

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Transcript

Shove: 0:00

Hey what's up? Hello, everyone.

Rebel: 0:13

Today, guess what is the last episode of season two? I know we were like, Oh, we're actually going to do our seasons like the school year, but we decided no fuck that we're going to do it by the year year because that makes more sense. Wait, what? Like Season Three starts in January?

Shove: 0:31

Oh yeah.

Rebel: 0:33

Because we were going to be like in June ends and then but like that doesn't make sense. We should just oh,

Shove: 0:37

we were gonna take this summer break. Yeah, yeah,

Rebel: 0:40

but I still think we could start Season Three in January still take a summer break, but then finish season three.

Shove: 0:46

Yeah, that's what I thought we were doing. Yeah.

Rebel: 0:48

So I thought we were doing like a school year thing. And I thought what the hell? I don't know. It's gonna make any sense. Anyway. So this is the last episode of season two. It was long. Because 2021 was not that

Shove: 1:07

no, it was long because we started a podcast in 2020. The year one of the pandemic and we were we started at the end of the year. Season two was long, because we did a whole fucking year. Are we I don't know anyone else, like even people that are like, Yeah, I still have a podcast. It's like they were smart enough to take a break. But yeah, workaholic.

Rebel: 1:28

No, we didn't. We didn't exactly formulate how long our season was going to be. So then we just ended up doing a whole year of upon cast. And no one does a full year of a season of something. So what were we thinking? I don't know. We were thinking

Shove: 1:43

that Hi, I'm shove Oh, hi,

Rebel: 1:46

I'm rebel.

Shove: 1:47

Together. We're shovel

Rebel: 1:48

shovel.

Shove: 1:50

That's not to say Can you dig it? Not tonight. Alright, so tonight's edition will kind of be like, Muck bang ASMR. Because Mr. Yeah, because we're breaking the Cardinal. The Cardinal Cardinal we're breaking the cardinal rule. We are going to be eating him. While we do this podcast, like some podcasts that are out there. They get on my nerves because they're like, Okay, please don't. Don't aggressively be ASMR No, no, we don't want people to turn this off. Okay, you might hear the occasional like crunch of an Oreo. A peanut butter flavor. Oreo. To be exact. I haven't tried it yet. Or like,

Rebel: 2:34

or the shuffle of a tiny m&m.

Shove: 2:38

Yeah, we're drinking hot cocoa with whipped cream and marshmallows. And what else we got baby. Oh, these bougie chocolate truffles, Bailey's Mealies chocolate truffles because rebels. That was a holiday extravaganza. And I think it's just that, hey, we're not going to do the typical stuff. We're just going to talk about our year and what it was like and just have one last like, who who rah,

Rebel: 3:03

rah, rah. Oh my God today I said the word hubbub. And someone was like, What's a hubbub? So I'd like to know if all of you know what a hubbub is.

Shove: 3:13

It's okay. I'm part three of the tricker trivia matses YouTube channel. You were Metzen

Rebel: 3:21

you were like I'm Schmitz and like you are like smitten. But then. Christmas like

Shove: 3:27

I'm used to being at the North Pole. It's hot out here. I'm Smithson or something like that.

Rebel: 3:32

I don't I don't understand. Amazing. I

Shove: 3:35

don't even know if that's the correct Jewish term for sweating. I did right. Know that. That's it. It popped in my head. And who should be like my favorite murder corrections corner? Just email us? What? Correction corner?

Rebel: 3:50

Yeah, what is Schmitz in me, so

Shove: 3:51

stop it.

Rebel: 3:53

That's the topic.

Shove: 3:55

Yeah, so um, how was your year baby?

Rebel: 3:58

Wow. My year? Well, it started out a little bit rough. And by little broken. I mean, a lot of it. It was very broken. I broke my leg in January. So I just kicked it off on the the wrong foot like you. Yeah. And then I went into a very dark, very deep depression for several months. And then I turned 30 Wait, how old? Am I 30. Yeah, I turned 30.

Shove: 4:27

If there's anything that I was worried about this year, it's when you don't even know how old you are any literally

Rebel: 4:32

supposed to be this amazing birthday and I was fucking depressed the whole time. But that's okay. It's fine. And then I skated again which was pretty cool. We went to San Diego which was pretty fun. And then I broke my teeth right? And then it's Christmas. Like how they are went right? I didn't know you were the whole year. Okay. asked me. Okay, shove, how was your year?

Shove: 5:05

My year was a rough and tumble. It had many lows and a few highs. It was an adventure. It was a blur. Alright, so when you

Rebel: 5:15

mine was also rough and tumble, a little bumble.

Shove: 5:20

Exactly. I was like stumble. Oh my god. Okay, so let's make this flow a little. Okay. All right. So if you had one word to describe what the beginning of the year like January 1 like to describe, like what you felt like what you remember like what do you think?

Rebel: 5:46

I remember feeling hopeful, hopeful. Okay. I just so the one real memory that I have like January 1, well, I don't even know that I have a memory of like what we did on New Year's like, I don't have that specific memory. But I remember skating. I remember recording the episode that we did for crago Straight skates. And then I remember skating in my full pink jumpsuit. And I was starting to get the snake walk down. And I remember skating at the tennis court and being like, This is so fun and just feeling like I could breathe and being outside and like being like, okay, like fuck, like 2020 was crazy. And let's not this year, and I felt like I was renewed in my senses for like something fresh and a change. Yeah, that's how I felt. How did you feel on January 1? You had one I

Shove: 6:45

would think? relieved? No. validated.

Rebel: 6:51

Oh, validated. That's a good word. Why I felt validated

Shove: 6:55

because I had started therapy. The end of December. Right? Or did I sign up for the end of December? I don't know. But I'm not. I'm not gonna say exactly the first but within like, it was very clear. Yeah, that I'm like being like, oh, okay, like, there is something wrong with me. And it's like weird to say like, I'm not crazy. There's something wrong with me. But it's like, yeah, that's something that you are crazy, if that makes sense. Like, it wasn't just like I was being dramatic or like that. It was like, Oh, I'm just letting my trauma get to me. It was like, oh, no, you legit, like, yes, it's trauma, but you also have a chemical imbalance. Because like sometimes I have those moments where I'm like, is it just my experiences that made me this way, but something feels like deeper off like really wrong and broken within me and not just like mentally? And then like, again, that validation that like oh, no pitch, you got a chemical imbalance and you need medication also is like, okay, and like getting my first medication. Like, that was very like, okay, like that gave me hope at like, it would help and rebel says to other people in front of me that it helps a lot that it's completely different. Haven't had the talk with her yet about like, what that means, but like, hope too soon. So I know there's definitely like it's worked for the better.

Rebel: 8:18

I've told you that we've had that conversation before. No, but not like deep. Okay.

Shove: 8:23

Yeah, like when I hear you talk to other people, like it sounds like Oh, shit, like, it wasn't been really, really bad. So like, especially the last time I come over here talking to you, and I was just like, oh, shit, like, it's not much of a difference. Like how bad was I before? And we've never had like that deep talk. It's just been like,

Rebel: 8:39

Yeah, and just like to, like, alleviate any fears or worries that you have. It's not that it was bad. It's at. It's so good when you're on your meds. So it's not it wasn't never bad. It was just, it's just like, I didn't even imagine that it could be so good. And so that's why like, it was never bad. It's just like the comparison with like, how positive it's impacted. You, like blows my mind. Like, I never thought you needed medication. And then you got on medication. And I was like, Holy hell that helped you so much. Like that's, that's the feeling that like, every time I express that I'm expressing something positive.

Shove: 9:19

Yeah, but like how?

Rebel: 9:21

So like, you like, you didn't tend to be like, Oh, aware of the things that you did? Like, or how you're feeling as much or you didn't express it or you didn't act like you knew. But like when you're on meds, it's like, you catch how you're feeling? And it's like, you acknowledge it, and then you like communicate with me better in a way that you never communicated with me before. You never communicated with me about your feelings before ever. And I always felt like there was a wall that you had up. And I knew it wasn't necessarily me. But I always kind of wondered like, whether that was something that would come with time, or whether that was like a trauma thing or what but it felt like when you got on the medication, it was like you are more willing to explore that is like you weren't as scared of your own mind. Even though I know that you are still scared of your own mind. It was like you were less scared of it like you were willing. Like, it's like you had a bulletproof vest to go into your mind with. So it's like you had a shield. And so you were willing to explore that. And with that happening, like you let me in more. And I thought that that was really wonderful that like, I felt a I would,

Shove: 10:52

I would like to give that like credit to just the drugs, but I think most of that is therapy and like learning to see the thought the science like giving those tools. The other part is I don't go to 100. anymore. So like the therapy has taught me to catch it before it gets there. And like how maybe talk it out, and not be afraid of like, like noticing it. But the medicine is more like, Oh, you're not gonna just like, pop off and go straight to paranoia and think that you're against me, and that you're my worst enemy, my greatest love at the same time. And that 100% Everything Bad's about to happen.

Rebel: 11:37

Yeah, and like, but you would. And I think that what you didn't realize is that when you felt like that, I could feel it. You know, like, I could feel like, I feel like when you weren't on your medicine, and I didn't know this when you weren't on your medicine. It wasn't until you were on your medicine that I realize this. When you weren't on your medicine, you were like, super like this a lot. Like it was like, one day you'd be like this. And then the next day would be like, all the way down here. And then I wouldn't know, kind of from day to day, where it was gonna be. And that was kind of hard for me. Yeah. And I didn't, but I didn't know that it was hard for me. Because I didn't know what the flip side of that coin was. Yeah. So when you did start taking your meds, and it stabilized, and you still have your ups and downs for sure. Like you definitely still have them. But they're just like, more muted. And so for me, it felt like such a huge difference from being like, so intense up and down every day to like, less intense up and down. And like not every day, that it was like a sense of peace, kind of that I hadn't really known that I wanted. And I think that that was that's the biggest, like significant change for me is is I feel like oh, it's it's really cool that I can see that. You're, it's like there's a lane like it's like you're in bowling and there's bumpers now. And that's pretty cool. Nice. I like that.

Shove: 13:15

If you had 123 words, describe how you feel right now, as of December 20. Would it be

Rebel: 13:28

overwhelmed, unsure and self aware? That's how I feel right now. What about you?

Shove: 13:36

Like? I don't know, that's a good thing.

Rebel: 13:39

Um, no, I don't feel like it's a good thing, which is why I'm you know, at least I'm self aware about it. Like, I know that I'm not in a good spot right now. So but yeah,

Shove: 13:52

how to word and then I lost it because I was looking for all sorts of crazy. Yeah, you just kept shouting 70 words, I lost my word. Right now I feel lost. I guess that would be a good word. Um, I just found out that I now need antidepressants on top of my mood stabilizers. Things have gotten dark again, real real dark, because you know, they can get so I was brave enough to ask for help. Like, I was missing a lot of therapy towards the end. And I was like looking for stupid excuses. Like, well, I can't miss out on school because schools I mean, I'm worried because we're at some point and I'm then going back and be like, Alright, now I got to really start the hard therapy. So fully back in it. I'm gonna start new meds. And at first I was just like, man, like, I don't want this like I felt like it was like a tally against me. Like I felt like now that it's been almost a year of therapy and medication that I should be getting better and like I know I'm getting better but it's also like, oh, I want to put more crap in my body to regulate how I'm feeling. But then like, gives me kind of like back and forth of like, and hope, I guess, it was because like, I don't want to give myself too much hope like, Oh, you're gonna get on Prozac and like, be happy or like, you're gonna be more like active again. So been like delving into a lot of research about that and it's like seems like pretty good for a lot of people. So I'm hoping I'm hoping so for me, but I'm just like, don't want to put all my hope into a little pill that I'm gonna start taking him. So we'll see how that goes and works good. But I feel like overwhelmed. And it's not because of work. It's just not where I'm at mentally right now. So I'm just trying to like, balance that off and realize, like, recognize what's happening to me. Like, it's not even really working it is you. So trying to deal with that. And what else? Let's watch it like not skating as much as I wish I was. But I was just I feel so tired and exhausted and just like not living life to the fullest. For sure. So that's where I'm at right now.

Rebel: 16:14

Yeah, I think for me, I feel well, one I'm definitely being, as you said, overworked. So I just have too many jobs right now. And I'm not happy about it. And I'm just trying to push through and trying to get one of them to nail me down with enough money to pay my bills. And the hope is that if I work hard enough that one of them will see that and be like we want you around for ever. Not forever, but just for a long time. Yeah, and I just I'm hoping that that's where that goes. But I just I made a I don't even know how it happened to be completely honest with you. It's like I started an additional job. And doing that wasn't supposed to be hella overwhelming. But then I ended up doing about twice as much work as I signed up for originally. And then at the same time that I ended up doing double the work at the new place, I ended up getting more work piled on at all the other places I was working and working. And so it's just been a little bit overwhelming. And I've been working from like 7am 8am 830 until like three in the morning, like every single day. And it's gotten to the point where I feel bad, like watching a movie with shove, because I feel like I need to be doing X y&z Because there's literally not enough hours in the day to complete all the tasks that I'm being asked to do for all my jobs. So yeah, I would like that to be done. And I do see that being done sometime in the future. And I see myself like asking for a raise at some of the places. And just like having those hard talks and also like evaluating within myself, because the reason why I said self awareness because I I notice that I am currently the person that I do not want to be, I am the person that doesn't have anything to talk about, but work I'm the person that feels like they don't have time to hang out with their friends or, you know, their family or anything like that. And I know you didn't even hang out with me a couple of nights. Yeah, no, I just I literally have just been like, there's literally no way that I can, you know, take time off because I can't like the way my work is set up is I finished the tasks. It's not like you work from certain hour to a certain hour. And not being able to finish the tasks has been really, really hard on me,

Shove: 19:01

one of our favorite things is crossing things off or to do lists.

Rebel: 19:05

Yeah, and, and I haven't really been doing that because the list just keeps going longer. Yeah. And it's just like wild because I like we'll get everything done or like even close to and then I'll get a text message or an email that's like, oh, I also need you to do this, this and this. And I'm just like, I'm one person. Like how are how is this happening?

Shove: 19:25

All I can say is like when stuff like that happens, you have to be vocal or else nothing will happen. They're gonna just think, Oh, it's okay. It's okay. I think often in life, like we get overwhelmed and we just like keep sinking and keep taking it on to hit on and then there until we like break or we just keep doing it and get ragged and it's like you have to know that like, not necessarily as other people like, piling too much onto you by choice or just being like fuck it. It's like they think you're okay with it and then they don't realize it's a lot because they're living their own life. So Do you have to speak up because I've learned that lesson before. And then as soon as I said something, everything changed. And then like, I had help, or people stopped dumping so much on me. So I think that's one thing I would like to tell you is like, you have to speak up and like, let people know. And so that they understand, because they probably don't know, they don't know that five other people are doing the same thing they're doing and at the same time. For me, I think this year, one of my biggest lessons was to give myself grace. And like, not really feel, I think, like before, like I had a lot of guilt that would eat away at me if like I did something or felt a certain way. And now I just feel like no, I'm allowed to feel this way. And I'm allowed to make mistakes, and I'm allowed to fail. And like, not like fret and like, wallow in it for too long.

Rebel: 20:54

That's a good lesson to learn. How about you? I think probably the biggest lesson that I learned this year was

Shove: 21:05

not to have health insurance.

Rebel: 21:08

No, I mean, I think that the biggest lesson I learned this year is that I'm a fucking strong person you are and then I can get through anything. I agree with that. It was a fucking hard year, like it was really hard. And I learned a lot about like, my ability to push through things. And I struggled a lot. And I'm glad that I, like was able to come out on the other side of it and to say, like, Hey, I fucking did that. But I also like, God, I can see myself it's so weird. I'm having this like, your eyes are all teary. You're gonna cry this weird moment, I'm totally gonna cry right now. I'm having this weird moment right now, where I'm like, seeing myself a year from now watching this video. And being like, poor girl, I just feel so bad for you. Like, I know, things are gonna get better, you know, like, I can tell that it's gonna be fine. But it's like, I know that I'm not in a good place right now. And like, I know, it's gonna get better. But fuck, I think, you know, I always thought even though I know I have a strong like pain tolerance. I've never thought of myself as like, mentally being strong. Except for like, my motivation. I've always known that my motivation, my passion was very strong. But I don't think I ever knew that. Like, my ability to push through things like mental hardship was strong, because I always, as a younger person, I kind of defaulted to like, finding someone to care for me. Like I never really dealt with things by myself. I always was just looking for attention and support. And this year, I feel like for the first time, I was like, You need to deal with this by yourself. You know, and, and with Whoa, whoa, therapists. Yeah, my therapist is the best. I'm so grateful for her. You also got medicated, and I got Yeah, I was gonna say this year. I also so like, went into the darkest depression that I've had, probably 10 years.

Shove: 23:18

Imagine if you didn't go into depression, that would have been fucking weird. So like, Yeah, I mean, come on. You had a hell of a fucking year. It started off like shitty.

Rebel: 23:28

Yeah, yeah. And it was just like, it felt like it was a never ending. Like, it just was, oh, it was so hard. And I felt so isolated. I do not recommend breaking your leg during a pandemic, during a pandemic, when no one can come over and like help you. Like no one can. No one knows that you're in the place that you're at. Because it's really easy for people to recognize how dark and how hard it is when they see you. But when they don't see you, and when it's normal not to see you because it's a pandemic, and everyone is, you know, on their own. You get forgotten. And it's just, it's, it's such a dark place. And it was so hard for me. And yeah, so like going to therapy wasn't even until like six months, in that I realized that I had ADHD because it was like not even kind of at the forefront of any sort of discussion.

Shove: 24:33

I mean, everyone in her life was like, of course we all thought but Ravel I did know it the hard way home baby.

Rebel: 24:42

I learned everything the hard way. Yeah, yeah, so I found out I had ADHD and I think I figured it out because I saw tick tock of course. Yeah, tick tock could be I know because of tick tock so I saw some like ADHD tick tock and I was like, Wait, why? Like, that's totally how I feel. And like, I don't know, like I had always we did a whole episode about this, but I had always, you know, experienced ADHD being viewed differently because of my family. And so when I was diagnosed with ADHD and then when I was put on medication it just like kind of opened my whole world up. And that was, did I get put on? I got put on ADHD meds like right after I broke my face, right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Crazy.

Shove: 25:35

Oh, man, it's been a wild here.

Rebel: 25:38

I also learned that I mean, I just think that I yeah, I think my body like I pushed myself in ways that I've never been pushed before mentally, physically with disco Asus, that pushed me really fucking hard. That was hard for me mentally. And physically. You leveled up your skate game. Yeah, that was awesome. I found out that I absolutely love damn skating. Like, I never would have found that out. I made a bunch of new friends, which was pretty cool.

Shove: 26:06

I got promoted up mocks. Yeah. I got to be on a show on Nikes. You two amazing. The rollout had almost 1000 People then

Rebel: 26:19

did have it. Yeah. Let's just say 1000 had 1000 people.

Shove: 26:23

Yeah, right before that delta hit it was like, boom, Delta, and

Rebel: 26:29

then we got COVID. And then we got COVID, which was miserable, and then not know, we got like a month later. And then.

Shove: 26:39

Yeah, that's also 2021 was like, all the people that showed their true colors and 2020. We got to see him face to face. It was more like, it was weird. It was just weird seeing people. We're here of like, being stuck at home. And like a lot of weird social interactions. Because like no one knew how to act, right.

Rebel: 27:05

I've had a lot of interactions recently, where it was like, I couldn't remember if I knew someone because I had met them in person. Or if I knew someone, because I I follow them on the internet. And I think that that's so crazy. Like legitimately don't know if I've met them before in person and like, don't introduce myself because I think oh, we know each other. And then I'm like, Do we know each other? Or do I just stalk them like a person

Shove: 27:33

I assume I known to or like have met them before. League has 2020 put us in such a talk watch. And I live in people's stories. I see people talking so much. Until then I message them that I feel like I know them or them. Literally, there's at least three times we're halfway through. I'm like, Wait, that's my first time meeting. Right? They're like, Yeah, and I'm like, oh shit. Nice to meet you.

Rebel: 28:01

I've done the same thing. Also, these are disgusting. Do not order the peanut butter or not word. Do not order these No, buy these they're gross. Just get regular Oreos and dip them in peanut butter is a reason why I got these peanut butter Oreos is because on one of our first dates,

Shove: 28:20

if it would have been half regular and half peanut butter, it would have worked.

Rebel: 28:23

Yeah. On one of our first dates shove made me like this. Like, we're going to get high snack board. And it had all sorts of fun stuff on it. And one of the things that was on it was Oreos, and like a just a thing of peanut butter. And that's when I tried it for the first time full hot hot chips. And just regular chips. And then was that the rose with the tomato? No, that was another time. She spoiled me in the beginning now she doesn't care about me at all. Gotcha thing.

Shove: 28:57

Yeah, so I don't know where we're where were we so yeah, it was just like soldier interactions were weird. I think like it's interesting to come out of 2020 being so like Well y'all know that I've been listening to the beginning like hardcore like quarantine and working from home and rebel still had to work from home this whole year so it's worse off for her because at least I have a warehouse to go to to Moxie and yeah fucking hate my life and rebel still stuck working I still never leave this fucking house. Yeah, so it was a lot of me like yelling at her like from work being like go outside for 15 minutes or even coming home and like forcing her to go lay in the hammock in the sun. Like during the summertime. I definitely fell off that for a little bit like for a while and I feel like it did help to like force you to go outside because there would be days where you'd be like, I haven't been outside once. There are

Rebel: 29:51

still days like yeah, like today. I went to pick up oat milk and I was like, Oh wow, what's it like to get in the car during The day

Shove: 30:01

Yeah, and that's just not good especially for an extrovert like her. So when we do God he must buy you like a crackhead because it is. Yeah. This year, but yeah, we came out of that year and then like, of course took it easy, but once we had the vaccine, we're like, okay, here we go. Yeah, we hosted our first like barbecue. We had a Halloween party Halloween party was cute. And then we had our Thanksgiving brunch, which was also cute. All like pretty much the same amount of people and like the same people. Yeah.

Rebel: 30:35

It was, like 10 people came to every single one of those

Shove: 30:38

vaccinated but it's like still not a ranger, like who would have if we weren't in a pandemic? Like it wasn't like, bring a friend and your friend's friend were like, I'd be down to have one big party like that. Yeah, but like, we're still in a pandemic. And it was weird being like, this is our new reality. We can kind of go back to life, but we're not like, yeah, it's

Rebel: 30:59

a weird,

Shove: 31:00

it's like this weird. Um, what's it called? Like, you're in Purgatory, right?

Rebel: 31:05

Yeah, good explanation for it. But like 21 is a purgatory.

Shove: 31:10

No, we have all Nia Cron. Whenever I'm in a cron Omicron I'm not grown. Yeah. Which sounds really intense. And it's like this whole thing where it's like, I'm gonna sound like so crazy. Now compared to like, how I sounded in 2020. But or, like, you know, the delta, I felt like, oh, shoot, like, let's let's like, kind of, like, pull back a little bit like jet skiing real and like, after getting really sick and like real. We got real, real sick. I mean, so grateful that we had the vaccine. And now it's like hard because it's like, the informations out there is like, spreads faster, but it's not as worse. And then it's like, weird because it sounds like it's mutating to be marketed contagious, but then it's also mutating did not hurt.

Rebel: 31:59

I don't know, I just don't trust the initial things that come out about it. But there's also read the beginning the Delta, like the things that came out about it, it was weird. And it didn't make sense and end up being different. You know, you mean, yeah, I just don't try to change right now.

Shove: 32:12

Yeah, it was like really hard. Because it's like, I, it's like, I want to live my life. And I want to be able to travel and I want to be able to like help the skate community in different areas and like, keep inspiring and hosting things. But then at the same time, it's like, oh, I don't want to spread this thing. And then it's like, yeah, I want to be like, just everyone also, like get vaccinated. And like, if you don't get vaccinated by now, like, dude, like, I can't, like, we tried so hard 2020 to do it for people that not to kill them and not as now I feel like now people have the option to get vaccinated, and they're still choosing not to get vaccinated, and you get sick, and you go to the hospital, I am sorry, I can't feel bad for you. Because that was the choice you made, the medicine is there. And if nothing health wise is stopping you from taking it. It's like I that now I'm at the point where like, I'm not gonna stop living my life, because someone that's afraid an anti Vaxxer won't take the vaccine.

Rebel: 33:15

Yeah, I think to an extent, I think it's hard because it's like, I don't know, like the fact that you can still get it when you're, when you're vaccinated. Makes it hard for me, it makes it like, I don't know what to do. I don't know how I feel like I'm finally looking at going back into the classroom. At the end of January, beginning of February, and I'm like, hella intimidated by it. And I don't know, I don't have a facial and a mask. Like, am I doing that? Like, is that what I'm doing? You know, I mean, like, I don't know, like, am I gonna be like, Don't come close to me students and talk to me, like I, I don't know, I honestly don't know how to act and how to like, go into public because even like the little bit of like, in person work that I have done, which is very little, but like, the amount I have done is like, around people that I already know and like are kind of in my circle. And so it's not been weird, but like being in a room for more than two hours with 30 students

Shove: 34:23

to ask yourself like, I am to the level where I now feel safe in a room like I can be in a room like if I was in a class or a full class with a teacher, as long as everyone had their mask on and I had my mask on I would be okay with that.

Rebel: 34:41

But you've also had the opportunity to be going to school

Shove: 34:46

at school have three other students

Rebel: 34:48

but like you're still like you still go places with people who aren't close to you and you're in closer Oh, I know you're saying you know, like I literally still the only person I really see is you and our roommate, you know, like, I don't and like sometimes I see, you know, some of the other Moxie people but like, besides that, like I literally only see people on video.

Shove: 35:14

Well, yeah, but like, what do you what about like when we go to Alex's bar,

Rebel: 35:18

I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack every time. Like, like, I'm fine. But like in my head, it screams like, you shouldn't be doing this, you shouldn't be doing this. But I know that that's probably wrong. So that's why I don't say anything. And I just like try and like, because I feel like it's an adjustment period. Like, I feel like it's an untrained thing of everything that we learned in the last year, two years, right, like, Well, I

Shove: 35:46

mean, if you want to improve your chances, definitely wear a mask all the time and avoid places that are crowded, like that's number one, like the game I'm playing. I know right off the bat can be risky. Like, I know that if I don't have my mask on, and I'm like walking somewhere and there's a crowd of people that one little pass on the sidewalk that could lead to someone sneezes doesn't cover their mouth, that could lead to me getting COVID. So like, for me, it's like, oh, I probably should have my mask on all the time. But then they say, Oh, if you're outside, you might be okay. But then now you should mask on again. And I think like I said, it's like saving, like giving myself grace is that like, I went from being extreme afraid of people having panic attacks and grocery stores to now like, be in like, when I feel unsafe all do it. But I also know like, there were times where I thought I was being safe. And then what happened? I COVID. And I was staying outdoors and I was staying away from people and then it happened. And I think it gave me this like fuck, dude, like it sucks. But I think like Both ways are valid as long as you're like, just don't be messy about it.

Rebel: 36:58

Yeah, I think I'm not saying that it's not valid. What I'm saying is that you've had the you've had more opportunities to men. Oh, no, I'm saying usually you feel as valid. Yeah, I think I because even I was just as you were talking, I was thinking about how like, I feel pretty comfortable going to pigeons rink and not wearing a mask. So like I'm and I think that that's just because I've gone a few times like and I feel comfortable now because it's outside. It's like outside inside but it's outside and I know I can like stay away from people for the most part or whatever. But like that I'm I'm pretty okay with you know, even though I know the same thing, like I am risking every time I like, go near people, but for the most part I go when it's not populated. But yeah, I think it's just like a mental thing. You know, that I have to work on or figure out or get used.

Shove: 37:49

Yeah. Like it's just a shift of like, going to skate parks or going like there's more skate meetups. And like, before you went to skate park you saw like maybe 95% of roller skaters and mask and like 0% skateboarders still 0%. And skateboard is very nice. And now maybe it's like, point 5% roller skaters and mass. Yeah, um, I like to always have mine on me just in case like it gets a little too. too hot, too. But I think like the vaccine did make us really cocky. But then it's also like, hello, you can still get COVID with the vaccine. Like, what is it now they're seeing like, 30% chance or something? I don't know how they figure this out. But it's definitely feeling more like, Okay, this is just our reality now, like, I'm, I don't know how next year is gonna be like is every month, like every quarter, there's a new variant? Like, who knows? Like it just keeps mutating and when does it come to where it's like no man's land, and then everything's fully open and then just people just get COVID randomly all the time. And it's like, flu, get your flu shot, but also get your COVID shot and it's just like, a part of life. And it's like, you know, like, Do you think that's gonna be our future?

Rebel: 39:05

I mean, I think we're definitely every year gonna have to get a COVID shot Yeah, the rest of our lives.

Shove: 39:09

But do you think it's gonna be like wearing a mask for the rest of our lives? I shares how hope or do you think it's just gonna be a free for all like, and then when people just get set, they just get set and it's something that you want to try and like eliminate the disease. You know, like, hopefully after a few years, people will be fucking over it will finally just get on so I'm hoping I can vaccinated. I don't know. I just feel like also you would think global warming would be worked on because it's coming blatantly obvious because another thing that happened this year, starting with, we know Australia was on fire. That was 2020 but we did have the ocean on fire. We had water on fire. We had the hottest summer which crazy enough it's actually didn't get too bad here in Long Beach. Nothing has been worse before it's been worse but then places like Florida had like four floors like the ground was like rolling and the heat was making the asphalt get all weird and everything was like wild yeah like it never no one has AC because it never gets that hot there it's like going up north and like I guess like electricity was going out because lines were melting like it was like in the 120 degrees or something and Sam,

Rebel: 40:27

wait were in Florida, Oregon and oh in Oregon. Oh,

Shove: 40:31

like Portland's that we got so hot and a lot of places got so hot. They don't hop in Texas frozen over froze over our grid last year this year, the power grid they're getting? Right. Yeah, so it was just like what, like places that should not be snowing, like all the pipes. So it's like things like that before? So like, global warming is not a thing. And

Rebel: 40:56

yeah, it definitely is a thing. It's like the

Shove: 40:59

denial. And I know like I could say as I'm saying it I think like I personally am in denial. And sometimes I'm like, it's crazy. Cuz I know if I would have still been that like panicky like, oh my gosh, no, like I'm afraid to go anywhere. Like, let's not leave until the pandemic's over, we would have never got COVID But then I also would have missed on so many opportunities that were life changing as well, that I think I really needed like I couldn't be that like sheltered person. And I think that's like definitely changed me from like, judging people that do go live their lives, you know, but I still do judge when I know they're not vaccinated. live their life. Yeah, but it's definitely letting me know like, Hey, we're, we're all just doing the best we can. So I try to like understand where other people are coming in from that. Like, they can't really just like lock their self in doors for a whole nother year.

Rebel: 41:55

Yeah, I think I think I'm like about at my breaking point with locking myself. And I can tell because I have become more socially awkward in a way that I never used to be socially awkward. And I am like struggling like my friends. Like, I have a friend who right now has been like rebel, let's go skate. And I was like, yeah, and then I canceled on him. And then he's like, Okay, what about this day? And I just go sit in?

Shove: 42:23

Wait, would you do that to Wendell? Why? Because we were shut out of media.

Rebel: 42:28

We're supposed to go the other night. And then something happened. I don't remember what it was. But it was like, Oh, I wasn't feeling good. And I was like, if I'm not feeling good, I'm not gonna go out. Like, there wasn't fake. It was like real, like, I wasn't feeling good. And then he was like, oh, okay, well, what about Sunday, and then I just didn't respond, because I just, I feel so awkward all the time about everything. Like, I don't know how to talk to people anymore. And I hate that because I was, like, always so good at talking to people. And now I'm just fucking awkward all the time. And I don't hang out with any of my friends. And all my friends think I hate them. When this

Shove: 43:02

guy says first ended, you were like a social butterfly. You were always like going to the rink, get into the ring, because

Rebel: 43:09

I got used to it. And I needed to get back. I have found this like, safe little spot in my office. And I get so comfortable there. But like when I'm not comfortable there. It's easy for me to keep going out. But if I get there, it's like I stopped being able to go out and it's just like so wild. Because I'm that's never been who I am.

Shove: 43:33

Do you think that might have something to do with me having ADHD?

Rebel: 43:38

I don't know how that'd be connected. Like, you get

Shove: 43:41

hyper focus on what's now and what you see and what's near.

Rebel: 43:46

I know that I have object permanence issues, which means that like, if I don't see something I forget about it. So like, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, so like, Wendell, because I read the text message. And then I didn't respond to it right in that moment. And then I forgot about it completely. And like, I had to see something that reminded me of him in order for me to remember like, oh, shit, I was supposed to respond to that text message. And then I was like, oh, it's been too long since I got that text message. And then it's like, oh, that's fucking awkward. You can just text him at you've already missed the date. And then wait, you know, I mean, like, that's how I feel. bobbins if you're listening, I don't think Windows listens to this. But if you're listening,

Shove: 44:32

Adan you don't listen by sorry. And now you've texted me maybe three weeks ago and then I know you also text me a month before that.

Rebel: 44:41

There's a list of people that I really really really like. And I really want to hang out with and like when I see you or when I talk to you and I say like no I really want to hang out I mean it. I do mean it I just have like major social anxiety issues.

Shove: 44:57

Did you see that thing I say you it was like blind react. Like if you have ADHD or BTL? Yeah. And it's like, I eat too much. Sometimes I eat too much. Sometimes I eat not enough. Like sometimes I sleep too much. Not enough. Like, I never text. I go months without texting my friends. It's just like, yeah,

Rebel: 45:18

exactly what I do. And then like, I go months without texting my friends back and then all of a sudden all I decide to text everyone back. And then I'm like, why aren't you all awake at 2am responding to me right now? Like, I'm like, shocked. Like, what the fuck? Anyways, whatever.

Shove: 45:35

We're keepin it real. Today, I'll

Rebel: 45:36

give him a full dose of real rebel in show.

Shove: 45:39

We've had at least five people that are like, Well, fuck this podcast. I hate them. They're on Reddit right now. Shove just said Fuck on me that she's gonna live her life. And I'm like, I'm kind of not that powerful.

Rebel: 45:55

You Yeah. So I mean, if you could take like, one thing from this year, and build on it and make it into something different next year, or like into something stronger or better next year? What would it be?

Shove: 46:14

Hmm, I don't know. Because like, I always feel kind of weird. Like when I do here, another variant come because it slows my roll. Because I think before this whole last variant, like I thought I had a clearer view of like, okay, things are how the world is looking right now. And so I had things in my mind, like, a lot of like traveling, like we discussed. And now it's like, I don't know, because we have friends that have travel plans that gotten canceled, like they're like countries closing their borders again. So that's really tough to really know. So I think I'm in limbo again, right now, personally, like there's little things like, I got really sad though, that I think you know, how I haven't painted in like a year, and some months probably are like just little things. I'm like, oh, man, like, that'd be nice to do again. I don't know. I can't say right now, sometimes. For me when it's like, oh, New Year's resolutions, and what do you want for next year? I'm like, I want to be like, oh, yeah, it's a fresh start new goals and blah, blah, new dreams. But like, I had text as for today, and I said something about, they had said something about like being grateful that it was in the year and sorry, no room. And I just replied, and I said, it's really great to be like, it's really hard to roll into a new year when you have shit on your wheels. Right now. I feel like I'm rolling into the new year with shit on my shoes. On my wheels. So, um, I don't know.

Rebel: 47:47

I feel like if I could take one thing from this last year and build on it, it would be like, Damn skating. It was like I would say that if you could be like rebel, what was the one like really great thing that happened to you this last year, I would say it was disco, Asus, disco Asus, I think was the best thing that happened to me this last year, it helps me to see a part of myself that I didn't know existed. It helps me to find a passion for something that I never thought that I would even remotely enjoy or be interested in or be even kind of good at. And I think that if I could continue building those skills and continue opening up that part of me because I think like, when disco aces happened, it was like, I started making friends again, you know, like, I started being myself. Again, I felt like I feel like in the last couple years I've been kind of like a little bit more dependent on shove than I should be because she's the person that I see all the time. And so I kind of rely on her as like, you know, I don't know my main source of entertainment, which you know, she is for sure. But like also like I should have friends and have you know other things that I enjoy doing. And so with disco Oasis, I started doing that and I really liked that part of myself. But it was easy to shut it down when I got super busy with work and like school started again and everything and so yeah, so I think if I could take something from this last year and making it into something I would say that nice. What's one thing that you are proud of from this last year? Nothing that's a lie.

Shove: 49:43

I'm proud of myself for traveling without you. Yeah, I'm

Rebel: 49:46

proud of you too. Um

Shove: 49:49

Oh, I don't know like I have like some really cool I don't know, like work stuff. The dinos thing was this year that was

Rebel: 49:57

this year. Oh my god, that was this year. Yeah, yeah, because you took the pictures for that at my birthday. Yeah, yeah so

Shove: 50:05

crazy Adidas ads and then I found out that we were on billboards without paying paid for them now you know work with Nike again like a decent job that was cool all the stuff with moxie and then the stuff to come like it gets do more community outreach stuff. I'm getting to be in the Barbie commercial. Oh yeah, I mean the work with forever 21 Oh, yeah.

Rebel: 50:33

No, oh my god this year I worked with forever 21 I got my first Pride campaign. I was a model this year. You were oh my god, I forgot. Good times. Yeah, that's a lot of stuff that happened. Yeah, that's good time.

Shove: 50:47

We're gonna tick tock commercial.

Rebel: 50:49

You weren't a tick tock commercial. I was a banner year it was I guess, shovel house, like, all of our mental health stuff was first on the list. But I guess there was more stuff. You know, what I'm proud of which is kind of random. But I made that injured skaters playlist this year. And I didn't realize how much that would be like a cool thing that I'm really proud that I created something in that dark place. Like I think what I'm proud of that it's helping people. I'm proud that I was able to create something when I was feeling my darkest. That's able to help other people who are also feeling their darkest. And that makes me really proud.

Shove: 51:35

Yay. Proud of you for doing that.

Rebel: 51:38

Thanks. It was kinda ridiculous thing. I love you too. This has been a hard episode. Why I thought this is gonna be fun. I brought cookies and the cookies sucks. That

Shove: 51:52

should have been. You need a Bailey's chocolate. That's genius. Hey, there's the non alcoholic, unfortunately, but it tastes like my favorite

Rebel: 51:59

chocolate of all time is me. Yes, but also, people in Ireland. I don't know if anyone who lives in Ireland listens to this podcast, but the Guinness chocolate Guinness the beer. Guinness has like a chocolate that has Guinness flavoring to it or like It's like got it infused in it or something. Best chocolate best candy hands down 100% that I've ever had in my entire life.

Shove: 52:32

Another one was already out. But Nicole Byer follows me. And if you haven't watched her Netflix special watch it is hilarious. VW. She has a podcast called Why once you date me and is amazing. Keep it real. Like I'm all about another fat black woman that's very punny, like me and roller skates being successful. And she's awesome. Yeah, I don't know. You'll hear some crazy. It's been way better than 2020 are still trying to deal with that. I guess. Everyone is it's weird being like, Oh, it's 2022 coming up. I don't know. It's just life is interesting. It's crazy. I'm sure everyone listening is feels the same way. I definitely looks close to my birthday pretty soon. So it's exciting. To be on the lookout for that. We will be back the week after. So like the 12/13 Yes, a team something. There might be changes or might not? Well, there's gonna be some changes. We just don't know what they are yet. Yeah. But you know, if you're going to travel on over to season three with us. Thank you. Thank you bringing out this long.

Rebel: 53:52

Yeah. And give us like, if there's something that you want, I already have gotten some cool suggestions. From the Instagram, I've been posting some stuff. By the way, it's almost always me. If you ever messaged me, Instagram, or email us, it's like always me.

Shove: 54:08

I used to check the Instagram. And now I'm just like,

Rebel: 54:11

trying to get her to do it. And she won't always sign it shovel, but it's always been. So you can pretty much assume that you're talking to me. But people have been saying that they like the idea of being able to continue the conversation. So to have something that we talk about, like maybe they comment and then we respond to their comment about the last episode the next episode. So some sort of like continuation I've heard that a couple times like that. And then we're kind of going to look and see like what what segments we want to keep around definitely the real world linear world but like beyond that, what kind of segments we're going to keep around and what we're going to change and stuff.

Shove: 54:52

Now you might not be able to find your CD at anymore and you might have no advice for you.

Rebel: 54:57

We don't know We literally don't know But yeah, so if you have any, like things that you really want to hear, or that you really want to see us do or whatever, oh, something else, some, a few other people have said, like that you want us to have other people on here. But we're just being honest, we record this like really late on like random nights like we're not organized enough to have other people on this, I think until we have enough money that we're like making we receive any money that we're making. No, we don't make any money. We don't make any money from this. So we can't like, spend any time that's not,

Shove: 55:39

which, you know, are the ads that we sell. They're pretty cheap. So it's not enough to like really be like, Alright, cool, we can pay someone to come on the show. But I mean, people might want to do it for free. And I think we just need to figure out how to use the phone thing because like, we literally record in our shittiest garage. It's a mess. It's not professional. Don't let this backdrop fool you.

Rebel: 56:05

It's really impressive that we have a backdrop even to be honest. There's literally a Home Depot box right to our right. And like containers, containers and shit to Halloween decorations. Yeah, so

Shove: 56:19

we can't have someone in here. We'd love to have someone call in.

Rebel: 56:25

Yeah, I don't know,

Shove: 56:27

where we're trash pandas. We don't know what the hell we're doing. But we

Rebel: 56:31

don't know how to season the end of season two,

Shove: 56:35

somehow people are still listening and rebel forces me to keep doing this. And this year, I felt like I ran into at least 10 people that are like, I love the podcast and like what podcasts and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a thing.

Rebel: 56:48

Also, have you noticed that I finally figured out how the hell to make this sound on the YouTube video. Good. I hope you've noticed because it took me a long time. And I'm hoping to figure out how to channel it up sync it up better to in the future. So if you're an expert in that, please let me know how lowered

Shove: 57:07

but yeah, so. Um, yeah, we'll see y'all next year is maybe we'll look at this. And we'll be like, Wow, we thought our legs are falling apart. Then look at them now or we'll be like, Oh my gosh, they

Rebel: 57:19

were so sad. I really think we're gonna be like, Oh, sad little shovel.

Shove: 57:24

What if there's no shovel anymore? Because a hoe or rate comes between us?

Rebel: 57:30

No, I will break a hoe or a rake. Literally,

Shove: 57:37

there'll be a shovel forever. I love you babe. I hate that you make me do this podcast all the time. Just

Rebel: 57:49

know you love it don't even

Shove: 57:51

but it's been fun dating you for two years now.

Rebel: 57:54

I mean, technically, it's like one and a half. But like, Please don't ask for to move in or anything. Yeah, we're like, very commitment.

Shove: 58:02

This is a straight relationship we're having with y'all, which means it's gonna be a minute before any commitment. Yeah. All right. So hope you liked this chaotic random just talking about whatever flows from our mouths without a plan. episode that we had for y'all.

Rebel: 58:22

Yeah. Thanks for listening to skate date. We'll see you in 2022 Kiss me kiss mean you're me.